Grandfather

Sometimes I like to imagine myself in my golden years, old and wrinkly, I like to think of myself as having good relationships with my children, but they're somewhat embarrassed of me.  I dream of having grandchildren, and trying to teach them lessons they're not cognitively ready for. Giving them candy and money in an effort to ingratiate myself to them beyond their rival grandparents.  I see myself holding them, and loving them with all my heart. I never really had a grandfather in my life, one day I'd like to be that influence in someones life in a way that I never experienced.  However, I have this morbid belief that I'll never make it to that point. Some part of me is assured that I won't live long enough to fulfill these dreams, and I weep bitter tears for all that could have been.