Do you fear death?

The question so poignantly proposed by Davey Jones.  For quite a long time I have been able to say in all honesty that I have no fear of death.  I have lived a good life so far, and if the end should come, I feel that it has been enough.  If the good lord takes me tonight, I have had a good family, the closest friends, I have been in love, I have known sorrow and pain as well as ecstasy and contentment. I have loved the Lord and hopefully I have left a mark on the hearts of those I love.  

But lately. . .
I have begun to fear.
There is so much to life that I have not yet experienced.  It didn't use to bother me, but these days, the thought of dying soon terrifies me.  I desperately want to know what it feels like to graduate, to be married, to have children, to be a father (I think I'd be a good father), I want to see my parents become grandparents, I want my children to become friends with my friends children, I want to have my own family, I want to have my own boat. I want to grow old with those I love. 

I want to lose somebody close to me. Just to feel the intensity of the pain.  I want to fall in love and be cheated on, so that I don't have to experience it in my marriage.  I want to get married and stick with it no matter how happy I am. But by the same token, I want to get a divorce so that I can understand my parents more fully, so that I can relate.

I want things that most people don't.
When I tell people I want such things, I usually get such crazy looks, but I just want the human experience and all that comes with it, the highs and the lows, the agony and the ecstasy. I want to feel it all and live to the fullest. I'm envious that God was able to experience his own death and then contemplate it afterwards.  I wish that I could know that It's like to die and still live with that knowledge.



Whatever
-Jon

Grandfather

Sometimes I like to imagine myself in my golden years, old and wrinkly, I like to think of myself as having good relationships with my children, but they're somewhat embarrassed of me.  I dream of having grandchildren, and trying to teach them lessons they're not cognitively ready for. Giving them candy and money in an effort to ingratiate myself to them beyond their rival grandparents.  I see myself holding them, and loving them with all my heart. I never really had a grandfather in my life, one day I'd like to be that influence in someones life in a way that I never experienced.  However, I have this morbid belief that I'll never make it to that point. Some part of me is assured that I won't live long enough to fulfill these dreams, and I weep bitter tears for all that could have been.